There’s an old cliche that I’d like to put a spin on today. It has everything to do with your success in online dating.

Think about it this way… if you’ve dated attractive women in the past, think about each one…. did you actually LIKE her or were you more thrilled with the FACT thatyou were with her?

It’s a very important distinction because like they say, a lot of men are not enjoying sex, they just like the fact that they are.

Now, it’s a simple but critical principle… that if applied, you can easily make your online profile far more believable and reflective of who you really are (very attractive) and also it will cause you to become selective in a great way.

Try this out and I guarantee you’ll be much happier at attracting the type of women you’ve always wanted.

C’mon, let’s admit it…. almost every man does at some point in their lives. That jittery feeling of not really know how to handle a situation fluidly when they see a woman … whom they feel society has placed a premium upon.

Seriously, the truth is that we might not even be so attracted to her, it’s just that society causes us to feel this way and through virtue of subconscious conformity, most average men tend to act this way as if she’s untouchable.

One mistake that men tend to make in online dating is that many are going after what they perceive to be the most prized women.  The problem becomes two-fold and is not actually what you expect.

First and foremost, without the practice of being a good lover on ALL types of women (average ones included), you simply don’t have the confidence to handle whaever is thrown your way. Thus, that moment you finally meet a “10″, you feel like something may screw this up because you did not take time to build the experience and confidence in yourself.

Secondly, realize that your ‘10′ is not necessarily society’s ‘10′ … and here lies the real reason why you may not be getting those ’10s’ … it’s because your profile does not gel with them since they are not actually who you’re looking for. You can change it up and fake it … but now it’s just a losing battle after she meets you.

The second principle may take you a while to really internalize what I mean.

One practical solution is to stop mentally categorizing women on a number scale…. it’s simply those you ARE attracted (a minimal amount to want to experience with her at least) to and those you are NOT.  Just meet those you feel you are attracted to, get some experience and in little time, you’ll start to grow naturally.

I had a very interesting client the other day…..

We’ll call him Joe for privacy reasons.

Joe was asking me how to develop more confidence and one aspect that he was lacking was real-world experience with women (shyness, negative thinking, things that have held 99% of us back at one point) ….

I told him to try out Craigslist using one of my scripts and do it with a “at worst, you’ll get a fun, interesting friend..” kind of a tone.

I recommend this type of openness to meeting women when you’re first starting to boost your confidence.

Now, if you’re looking for a wife or a long-term quality partner…. Craigslist is generally not my best recommendation. I’ve been proven wrong before (and there ARE quality women lurking on the m4w sections but they don’t always post themselves). But in this case…

Joe did it and within 2 hours a few responses came flying in.

One of the first simply shcoked him:

It read “Nuff said….” with this attached picture:

http://onlinebabemagnet.com/images/scared.jpg

I had to crack up because this was the opposite of what Joe was looking for in terms of appearance. Mind you … there’s plenty of men who may prefer big and beautiful women, but certainly not Joe… quite entertaining. I almost thought it was Photo-edited!

Kamden from Oslo, Norway asked me a good question:

“Ray, what do you recommend to model from so i can dress like i stand out of the pack?”

Really good question because in the eyes of women, clothes really do make the man… a lot of times. As I say, fashion is one the things that can raise your looks a FEW notches up the 1-10 scale.

A lot of men are already modeling from magazines such as GQ or Details … but if you want to get even edgier, there’s a style I recommend that never hurts and usually ALWAYS helps. It’s not too flashy either, but subtlely communicates exquisite taste….

Check out Robb Report.

http://www.robbreport.com/categories/fashion/

Notice the styles that are presented. If you can, get some of these styles … you can check out some great deals over eBay. For example, I found a Bontoni pair of shoes for $150 where it would have been worth over $1000 at retail.

Let me know what you think.

Here’s where I explain why online dating serves as a confidence booster more than anything else:

Online Dating as a confidence booster

Men make this mistake in the real world all the time when they want to meet an attractive woman. Most of us start out naturally this way.

So what is this blatant mistake?

We tend to idolize beautiful or otherwise attractive women. We look past all the personality flaws for a moment or even forget to judge personality. Some of us simply freeze up in self-conscious astonishment. Some of us suddenly shower them with overboard compliments about their beauty or some other readily perceived quality.

Not here’s the real problem.

She feels this vibe from men at least ten times a day already. She’s bombarded with idolizing attention. That means whether she’s at work, out at the grocery store, or at a bar or social gathering.

So what do you do instead?

The first thing is to stop making attractive women feel like untouchable goddesses to you. This is a mental process that will take some practice but once done, you’ll be a more attractive man naturally.

First recall a woman in your life that is known to be attractive to the outside world. Yet, you clearly do not idolize her. You know her flaws and appreciate the various aspects of who she really is. You may even know she is deeply insecure.

This can be a relative, a sibling, a long-time female friend, or even your mother. Now recognize this consciously and then whenever you meet attractive women, consciously look for their flaws, too. Know that there are flaws and imagine them for the moment if need be. Ask yourself… “What will completely annoy or gross me if I hung out with her for a long time?”

Also, learn to see through the veneer that is her outside beauty if that is the quality about women that influences you. Try to visualize her underneath her makeup.

Try this exercise for a week or so consciously. I guarantee you’ll feel a perceptible difference.

Now what does this have to do with online dating?

The problem magnifies and deafens her to you even more. Because you can’t convey your voice and body language on most dating sites readily, the computer screen text looks completely like every other man hitting on her or virtually worshiping her.

Once you destroy that idolizing mindset, your communication online will become different and you will be looking for different things in a woman. This will make you recognizably different from all the clutter she sees in online dating.